


Private Affairs

by everything_that_is_the_case



Category: History Boys (2006), History Boys - All Media Types, History Boys - Bennett
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, Drunkenness, Extramarital Affairs, Kissing, Multi, Timms is on drugs again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-03 21:22:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17885441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everything_that_is_the_case/pseuds/everything_that_is_the_case
Summary: "We shouldn't be doing this."Posner rested his head against Scripps' chest as he spoke."No we shouldn't. But I guess that's part of the thrill," Scripps shifted onto his elbow to look into David's soulful eyes."What would she do? If she found out?"In which Scripps and Posner meet after years apart, and Scripps' marriage starts to take a turn for the worse





	1. Brief encounters

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It's me! Your probably-not-favourite fanfiction writer who posts too much for it to be healthy!   
> *insert weird finger guns that I'm doing to the screen because I'm awkward and delusional about the fact I think it looks cool*  
> I wrote something else, because I wanted to try my hand at straight Scripps, before realising my heart belongs to Scosner and I can't seem to keep Donald that way. So now we have this. Some its are better than others, but we'll struggle through and read this together. By the way, I'm aware I re-used a chapter title, I couldn't be bothered to find another.  
> "Love that we cannot have lasts the longest, hurts the deepest, and feels the strongest" - person who wrote this before it was turned into an internet quote that I found on Google Images

The room was already bustling with people by the time Scripps got there, and his most instant thought was that this was how he imagined hell. Except Hell probably didn’t have the capacity to be as hellish as one of Dakin’s cocktail parties. Kathy kissed him on the cheek and slipped off into the crowd, leaving him alone and unprotected as Dakin approached him.   
“Don! I’m so glad you could make it. Is Kathy here?”  
Scripps nodded, sighing at the exuberance of it all.   
“Somewhere in the crowd. Slipped off as usual. Who out of your ridiculous clientele is here tonight?”  
Dakin shook his head, grinning ruefully.   
“How scornful you are, Scrippsy! No one really. The other Cutler’s boys are here though,”  
Scripps’ ears pricked up at the mention of the boys.   
“All of them?”  
Dakin nodded. “Crowther and Akhtar are in there somewhere. Lockwood is outside, I think stopping Timms from chucking up. Rudge is pissed and dancing in the garden, and Posner’s in the corner somewhere,”

It doesn’t take long for Scripps to find him, standing at the edge of the room, nursing a tall glass of orange juice as he always had done at the old house parties. His eyes lit up as he spotted Scripps breaking through the crowd towards him. 

“Scrippsy!” 

A flicker of excitement rushed through Don’s veins as he heard the familiar nickname echo from Posner’s mouth. 

 

“Hello David. I’ve not seen you in a long time,”  
David smiled sadly, staring down into his glass. 

“I had a bit of an episode after Oxford. Went back to Sheffield for a while,” He drew himself up to a slightly taller height, trying to broaden his smile to one resembling courage. “But I’m better now. Been so for a while. How’s everything been with you?”

Scripps shrugged. “It’s been ok. I got married a couple of years ago. I’m sorry you didn’t get invited, Kathy wanted something small, only family really,”

He knew it wasn’t true. He could’ve invited the boys. But Lockwood knew too much, wouldn’t have been able to trust him. Kathy hated Dakin, unsurprisingly so, and Posner. Oh god, Posner. He couldn’t have invited Posner, because if he had invited Posner, he wasn’t sure he could’ve got married.  
Scripps could swear that Posner’s face almost dropped at the mention of his wife. 

“Oh,” he replied, still staring into the depths of his drink. “That’s nice. Still single for me though,”

It grew steadily more uncomfortable in silence until Dakin barrelled his way into the conversation. 

“You found him then,” he grinned at Scripps, smacking him heavily on the shoulders. His breath stank of alcohol and something else, something Scripps couldn’t quite put his finger on.   
“How pissed are you, Dakin?” Posner asked, gazing bemused at him.  
“I’m not pissed!” Dakin protested, finishing the sentence with an ungainly burp, sparking giggles from Posner. Scripps smiled as he laughed, remembering when Posner had laughed like that with him, years before.

He sneaked a quick glance at Posner’s joyful face, eyes sparkling with mirth. God, he missed this. The eight of them together, laughing about stupid stuff. Granted, Dakin still talked consistently about his truly awful conquests, no matter how much Scripps insisted against it. Timms still never talked any sense, but then again, he was off his tits most of the time nowadays anyway.

Kathy draped her arm over his shoulder and kissed his cheek. He repressed the urge to sigh, as he seemed to always do when he was with her these days. Posner gazed sadly at them, smiling a little.

“We should go, Don. It’s getting late,”

He smiled in an exhausted fashion. 

“You’re right. Let’s go,”

He turned and grinned at Posner. 

“Shall we meet up for a drink? Dakin and I usually meet up at The Red Rooster, but he’s had to cancel for some reason. Can you do Friday?”

Posner smiled delightedly. 

“I’d love to. See you there!”

Don supressed a grin as he walked away.

“Who was that?” Kathy asked, frowning.

“David Posner. An old school friend,”

Nothing more, he pretended. Not a singing partner. Not a flatmate. Not a schoolboy crush. Not a person he once shared an illicit kiss with in a practice room, after Posner’s suggestion that ‘it would be good to see how it felt to kiss someone,’. Nothing more than an old school friend, he decided. That would cover it.


	2. You speak to me in words but I look at you in feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After meeting with Posner after so long, old feelings that have lingered resurge for Don. Kathy starts to realise things that she's been shying away from.
> 
> You say you love – but then your lips  
> Coral tinted teach no blisses.  
> More than coral in the sea –  
> They never pout for kisses –  
> O love me truly!  
> \- You say you love me, John Keats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter title is from a Leo Tolstoy quote, which I think is fitting for Kathy's feelings towards Don's obvious disinterest. I've been writing this in a lot of parts, but I've been struggling to piece it together in between each section, and I still don't have an ending so I hope it turns out alright along the way.  
> We're on this journey together, dear readers.  
> This long, long journey,  
> With no regard for chapter length or posting times.  
> Just an empty, winding road filled with sadness, Posner and Scripps.

Kathy pressed her hand to Scripps’ chest and kissed him. Scripps’ lips remained firmly closed, protesting against the unrequited love being forced upon them. He gently grasped her wrist and moved it off his chest.

“Not tonight. Maybe another time,”

She propped herself up on her elbows and gazed at him, her grey eyes flashing. They seemed to peer into unexplored depths of his soul. He squirmed uncomfortably.

“How many more next times, Don? How many more till it’s never?”

Her lower lip trembled slightly.

“I want kids, Don. And I’m not getting any younger,”

Don tried to protest that they were only 27, had only been married two years, but Kathy had already turned away, pulling the duvet tight to cover her tears.

Scripps lay there, staring at the ceiling, his thoughts a mess.

Kathy was right. How many more times would he push against her advances? How many more times until they both accepted something was wrong? And it was him, it was all him, and it was him something was wrong with. His heart thudded against his chest as he remembered how he felt seeing Posner again. His mouth had gone dry, his heart swelled, his head dizzied as his body filled with emotions it hadn’t been capable of for years. Emotions he had never felt for his wife, as she lay next to him, quietly crying into her pillow. And an awful realisation smacked him in the gut, filling him with a pain so real it made him want to double over and cry.

_He didn’t love her_

_He had never loved her_

_He couldn’t love her_

 

Kathy lay there, thoughts racing round her mind. She remembered how Don’s eyes had once sparkled when he saw her. How he used to beam when he met her, grin broadening as she approached. How his tone had softened when he talked. But looking back, she wasn’t sure if he had ever done those things, or if she was so desperate she had imagined his lukewarm attentions as much more than they ever had been. Don could do those things though, she knew that for certain. Because he had done them that night, the moment he saw David bloody Posner standing at the other side of the room. She knew then and there why he rejected her advances. She wasn’t sure if Don knew. David definitely did, had coyly reciprocated it all evening.

A knife of grief drove straight into her heart. She was in love with a man who would never love her back. Because now months of suspicion had seemingly been confirmed. One thought crystallised in her mind, sharp and clear, a thought that lingered no mater how much she drove it away.

_I think Don might be gay.  
_


	3. It was only a kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scripps goes for an ill-fated drink with Posner, who seems to have got a lot bolder since university.   
> Do people always fall in love with things they can't have?'
> 
> 'Always,' Carol said, smiling, too.”   
> ― Patricia Highsmith, The Price of Salt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here! My exciting new chapter! I don't know why I wrote this but to quote Miles in 'Bright Young Things' (coincidentally a Stephen Campbell Moore film/)  
> 'I have the urge to do something crimson and obscene'  
> Although this isn't at all obscene. Or crimson really. But as much as I make this sound awful, please continue to read! The actual fanfic is never as bad as my very awkward notes. 
> 
> “Desires are what can most easily ruin us, lovely.”   
> ― Simona Panova, Nightmarish Sacrifice

Scripps walked over from the bar, relieved as he spotted Posner already sitting in a corner seat, waving at him from the edge of the room. He grinned as he walked over, waving back.

“Pos, you came!” he cried delightedly, smile shining as he approached David.

David raised a bemused eyebrow. “And miss a drink with you? I’d not miss it for the world, Scrippsy,”. Don chuckled as he sat down, pint already set on the table. Once again, David nursed his glass of orange juice, staring into the depths of his glass.

“Anyway, I needed a chance to get away from marking. All my students seem to hate me, according to how boring their latest essays are. Perhaps I should take a more Irwinian approach,”

Scripps laughed, shaking his head.

“Of course. I’d forgotten you were a teacher now. A-level English, is it?”

Posner nodded, rolling his eyes. “Not quite as adventurous as your journalism, I suppose. I read your articles sometimes. They’re good,”

Scripps sighed.

“Barely true though. Jesus, if I wrote the stuff I actually thought about, Kathy would kill me,”

David smiled. “Oh yes? And what are these awful things you think of?”

“Things not worth mentioning over a pint with an old friend,”

“Oh I don’t know, Scrippsy. Sometimes it’s better to talk about these things,”

Downing the rest of his pint, Scripps rested his head against his hand, staring into the frothy remnants edging his glass.

“It’s not going great. Between Kathy and me. She wants kids, and I……well I don’t know what I want right now. Some understanding of what’s in my head would be nice,”

Posner took another thoughtful sip.

“We’re only young. We’ve got a while,”

“But we haven’t have we? We say that, and we’re nearly in our thirties already. Three more years,”

David sighed. “Don’t say that. My mother is miserable enough that I’m gay, never mind gay and completely single without any relationship record other than a few one night stands,”

“Do you have many of those?” Scripps smiled wryly.

“Fuck off, Scrippsy dear. I’m a teacher, I’ve nothing better to do than get drunk at a nightclub on a weekend,”

Scripps snorted. “What I’d give to do that. I’m the only one of us that’s married you know, I can’t do anything you lot do,”

David traced the rim of his glass. “Perhaps that’s the problem. You feel trapped,”

“I don’t think that is the problem, really.”

Posner’s head snapped up, and stared straight into Don’s eyes, his piercing blue eyes sending an odd flutter into Scripps’ heart.

“Do you love her?” he asked quietly, his voice hushed yet crystal clear.

Scripps sighed.

“I mean, I suppose so. I don’t know really. That’s the problem. I’m not sure if I ever loved her at all,”

In reality, he knows she still loves him, still wants the boy she married two years earlier. He knows that it is him that is no longer interested, who was never truly interested from the beginning.

Posner’s slender finger continued to trace the glass as he gazed into it.

“Do you love me?”

Scripps stared at him, silent. His lips started to form an answer as David leant over the table towards him. He stopped trying to answer and then Posner was kissing him, his hands entangled in Don’s hair, kissing him like he had never been kissed before. Every nerve in his body was on fire, every sense tingling, every molecule of his very being screaming out for more.

He pulled away, gasping.

“I can’t do this. I’m married. I can’t”

Posner grabbed his arm.

“Don’t go. Please, just one more drink,”

Scripps wiped his lips, rubbing off all trace of the illicit kiss, and pulled on his coat.

“Trust me, I want to, David. But I can’t”

 

They end up going for another drink. Then another. And then another, then another, then another. And all too often, they end in Posner’s flat, Scripps torn between guilt and love as they kissed.


	4. Stay a little longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Scripps and Posner realise what they are doing, Kathy makes a horrifying discovery about her husband, and their marriage goes way downhill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup! It's moi! New chapter here already! My not particularly scandalous scandal takes another exciting turn. I don't know what Scripps has got himself into, but hey, Posner's alive, and that's a rarity in my writing! As usual, leave kudos/comments unless you hate this. And then stop reading.  
> "The course of true love never did run smooth," - William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream.

Posner rested his head against Scripps’ chest and sighed.

“Do you feel guilty?”

Scripps looked down at him.

“What do you mean?”

Posner waved his hand, vaguely signalling around the two of them lying on top of each other.

“About this. About us,”

Scripps nodded.

“All the time. I feel so awful about what would happen if Kathy found out, and what I’m inflicting on our marriage. But then I see you again, and I kiss you again, and I forget about it all,”

“We shouldn’t be doing this,”

“No we shouldn’t. But I guess” Scripps replied, shifting onto his elbow so he could stare into David’s soulful blue eyes. “That that’s part of the thrill,”

“What do you think she would do? If she found out about us?”

“I don’t know. She could find someone else. We’re still young.”

Posner traced the outlines of Scripps’ shoulders, staring wistfully at his chest.

“But would she lose her trust?”

Scripps sighed.

“Probably. It would destroy her. It would destroy our marriage,”. He kissed Posner, drawing him in close and pressing a hand against his chest. “But it would destroy me to not have you,”

Kathy knows. That’s what Don thinks. She keeps on commenting about how much happier he seems lately, how late he’s staying out drinking with Dakin and Posner. Very rarely Dakin nowadays. But very rarely drinking, either. Scripps had been doubting their stability, and his love, and even his sexuality for so long, and then seeing David again pushed him over the edge. It wasn’t a marriage, not really. It was some sort of god-forsaken motor race, just driving round and round with people cheering them on, each second getting closer to crashing and burning.

“Please,” he whispered. “Can we just not talk about it for now?”

He kissed Posner wistfully, running his finger up his spine to produce a satisfied gasp.

 

Posner kissed him at the door.

“One more time. That’s all,”

But they both know it isn’t true. Scripps kissed him back, a long, lingering thing, and suddenly Posner had him pressed against the wall, mouths moving in unison.

“I have to go home,” Don gasped, but it’s another in a web of carefully woven lies, because if he really needed to go home, why was he here with his hands still clasped around Posner’s waist, pulling him impossibly close.

“Just half an hour longer,” David murmured as he bit into Scripps’ neck, savouring the sweet, smooth flesh against his lips.

“You’ll bruise it,” Scripps protested worriedly, but in reality he doesn’t care.

Fuck it.

If Kathy found out, he could have Posner, and Posner was all he wanted in the world.

 

 

Scripps slammed the door shut and started to unravel his scarf.

“Where’ve you been?”

Kathy’s cold, clipped tones echoed through the kitchen door and Scripps heart sank.

“I went for a drink, I said,”

“With David?”

Scripps sighed. “Yes, with David?”

“Did you have fun?”

Scripps self-consciously rubbed the hidden bruise on his neck as his mind flashed back to where he had been half an hour earlier, Posner’s spindly legs wrapped round his waist as they kissed. He hesitated slightly.

“It was alright,”

Kathy leaned against the door frame, staring shrewdly at her husband.

“You must’ve had fun if it was with David,”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She walked over and placed her hand on his cold, reddened cheek.

“I need you to tell me something. Honestly,”

Scripps gulped, fear building rapidly in his heart.

“How long have you been in love with David Posner?”

He sighed, tears starting to well in his eyes.

“You knew?”

She nodded sadly. “I knew from the moment Dakin re-introduced you two. And now you’ve been spending much time together…”

She trailed off, allowing her hand to fall loosely at her side.

“I’m guessing something’s been going on between you,”

Scripps sat heavily on the sofa, head in his hands.

“Kathy,” he whispered. “Kathy, I’m so sorry. I tried telling myself I wasn’t. I tried so hard to ignore it all,”

Tears flooded down her cheeks.

“Have you kissed him?”

“I know it was wrong. But it just felt so right, and I hate myself for it, I really do,”

“Have you..?” she whispered with a faint sob, unable to finish the sentence. But Scripps knew what she was going to say and raised his head to stare at her, sorrow and guilt pooling in his eyes. He nodded slowly.

“Kathy, I’m so sorry,”

She stared downcast at the floor, tears still cascading down her cheeks.

“Not enough to stop though,”

He couldn’t meet her tear-filled eyes as he answered.

“No. Not enough to stop,”

She sniffed, choking back her tears.

“Do you love him?”

Scripps nodded. “Yes. I do, I really, really love him,”

“Do you love me?”

Scripps sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“I thought I did. I really thought I did at first. Because I was telling myself what I felt for Posner wasn’t love. I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t,”

He turned away. “I’ve known since I was 17,”

She sobbed again, her voice filled with anguish.

“How could you? How could you marry me knowing you didn’t love me? Knowing you loved HIM?”

“I thought I loved you Kathy. I thought that was what love felt like, that love wasn’t that. I was telling myself I was wrong for so long that I started to believe it,”

Her voice took on a snarling quality, distorted with pain, anger and sadness.

“Get out. Go to him. Collect your stuff at some point this week. You can tell your parents what you’ve done,”

She glared at him, and he could almost see her tears turn into ruthless ice.

“And you can tell mine it was your fault too,”

She stormed out, grabbing her coat and slamming the door behind her, leaving Don sitting there, tears rolling down his cheeks as the full impact of what he had done hit him.

 

His phone rang ten minutes later, and he answered miserably to hear his sister’s dry, unimpressed tones crackling down the line.

“I have your wife here,”

He groaned. Of course Kathy would go to Debbie, they had met through Debbie, Debbie was Kathy’s best friend.

“Ex-wife,”

“That would explain the crying then. What the hell have you done? Why does she keep mentioning David Posner? Wasn’t he at school with you?”

He sighed shakily. “Please promise you won’t hate me,”

“You’re worrying me now,”

“I had an affair, Debs,”

“You did what?”

He leant against the wall, sliding down until he was sat on the floor.

“I had an affair. With David Posner. Which is why she was talking about him,”

“Right. Shit. Shit. Jesus, Don. You had an affair with a man. You had an affair with a- Jesus, Don!,”

He sat silent as his sister continued to talk, shocked and confused.

“Why did you do it? What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. Everything seemed to be going wrong and I was so confused and fucked up and then he kissed me while we were out and….I don’t know,”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. Shit,”

“Look I’ve got to go,” she exclaimed hurriedly. “Please just find somewhere to stay. Be safe,”

She hung up and Scripps just sat there, crying.


	5. You do not have to be good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathy accepts her fate, and Don decides everything is better when he is truly happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here. The end of my (not so) scandalous story. Hell yeah, I've been working on this for not long.   
> I suppose it's nearly a happy ending. Sort of bittersweet? It's the happiest I've done so far, I think. But I don't really like this one, or where it was heading, so I'll end the pain and start posting the one I liked writing over the week's holiday that I totally didn't spend entirely in my room writing and listening to Edith Piaf.   
> “You do not have to be good.  
> You do not have to walk on your knees  
> for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.  
> You only have to let the soft animal of your body   
> love what it loves.  
> Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.  
> Meanwhile the world goes on.  
> Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain  
> are moving across the landscapes,  
> over the prairies and the deep trees,  
> the mountains and the rivers.  
> Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,  
> are heading home again.  
> Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,  
> the world offers itself to your imagination,  
> calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –  
> over and over announcing your place  
> in the family of things.” - Mary Oliver

Posner opened the door and was surprised to see Scripps standing tear stained at his door.

“Don? Are you alright?”

Scripps shook his head and gazed at him with tear-filled eyes.

“It’s over. Kathy realised, I admitted it all, and she’s kicked me out,”

He walked inside, shaking.

“What have I done? Oh god, David, what have I done?”

David wrapped his arms around his heaving shoulders and pulled him close, kissing his trembling lips.

“It’s ok. It’s not your fault. I love you,”

Scripps collapsed, crying, into David’s arms and he held him, kissing away his tears.

“Everything will be fine,”

He stroked Don’s hair as he hugged him, whispering quietly.

“We can drive over tomorrow and get your stuff,”

Scripps nodded gratefully, still wiping away his tears.

 

Kathy stood in the corner, watching as Don packed up the last of his things.

“Will you be able to get all this to where you’re staying?” she asked, making no move to help. Scripps rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“David brought his car around, and I’ve got mine too,”

“Is that where you stayed last night? David’s house?”

He nodded. He doesn’t tell her that, more specifically, he spent the night in David’s bed, arms wrapped round him as he basked in his warmth, peppering his neck and chest with gentle kisses. He doesn’t tell her how he awoke tangled in David’s bedsheets, feeling his warm breath tickling his chest. He doesn’t tell her how it made his heart swell with a love he never felt for her.

 

He handed her his key, and turned to leave.

“Don?” Kathy called to his retreating back.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry it ended like this. And I’m sorry about what I said last night. It’s not your fault, I suppose. You can’t really help how you feel,”. She sighed. “I’ll call later. We need to talk about a divorce,”

A lump lodged itself in Scripps’ throat at the mention.

“I’m really sorry,”

She shook her head and smiled sadly.

“I hope you’ll be happier now,”


End file.
